out of the mouths.....

...interesting how a mundane task such as transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer can suddenly 'stop you in your tracks'. Out of the blue, R. came into the laundry room, and giving me a hug said, "I'm sorry for all the things I've ever done in my life to make you mad."--YOW! WHAT is a mother supposed to reply to that one?! I was both in awe and heart warmed and yet ashamed at the same time.... My response was first, "I forgive you" because his sins were obviously the thing weighing most heavily on his heart. Then I immediately followed with an, "I'm sorry for sometimes letting myself get angry when I should not" to which he replied, "I forgive you". The laundry was quickly put aside and we continued the conversation on the kitchen floor with a few of his questions. He first acknowledged that he hadn't yet made the decision whether to serve God or satan, then asked why people always sin and why God still would love satan.

We've had many such conversations, some in the past have begun with a 'Mommy (or Daddy), there's something I wonder....'.Though he can be frustrating at time, he really is very tenderhearted. I want to cultivate it in a good way, a way that would ultimately glorify his Creator. I long for the day when he will make 'his choice' and I know in my heart that it will be the right one!

While, I loved the talk we had--it ultimately ended up with I. and G. joining us who both had very cute things to say about Jesus--the part that weighs most heavily on my heart right now is this.... I've struggled in the past, and still do, with letting my anger get the better of me when the kiddos place me in frustrating situations. I have not been the model of a patient, loving mother (the one I really want to be) at all times. The truth hurts! There have been countless times that God has reminded me--sometimes gently; most times not so gently--that I have not given up my 'self'. But nothing hurts so much as when the reminders come through my very own children.

I'll tend to do well for awhile, then the pressures and stresses of life close in and before long I find myself lashing out in a way that is hurtful. Nothing says it quite so well as Romans 7:18-20 "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."

And the words of a new song by downhere called 'Something Heavenly'

All the angels, see all the angles
With a view from both sides of the line
Well if I had not such a blind spot
Would I have a less difficult time
Surrendering my ways
I would hang on every word You say

I'm so far from what I wanna be
Oh I really am my own worst enemy
Please don't let me get the better of me
Take this earthly thing and make it finally
Something heavenly, I wanna be heavenly

Air is cleaner, grass is always greener
For the crowd of hosts up where they are
If I could visit, I'd just contaminate it
Why so big a place for me in Your heart?
To leave your glory home
Just to make a broken man your own

If I try to soar, I will fall for sure
So let Your grace break through, and lift me up upon it to be with You

I'm so far from what I wanna be
Oh I really am my own worst enemy
Please don't let me get the better of me
Take this earthly thing and make it finally

Cuz I'm so far, stay close to me
I'm so far, stay close to me
Making me something heavenly
Gonna be heavenly


How well I remember this year's Women of Faith Conference....and the MANY convicting talks, especially Nicole's drama on the tongue being a fire that can so easily 'burn' the ones we love if we're not careful.

Sigh....so where do I go from here? After repenting and resolving to do better, pressing on in the strength of the only One who can keep me from falling. I've been reminded that I still have some work to do and really it's just surrendering to HIM in EVERYTHING. And not trying to hang on to little bits and pieces or take anything back.


Ever have those humbling moments?


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On a lighter note, I noticed during our conversation that R.'s finger and toe nails were in desperate need of trimming. When we were finished talking I told him to come in the bathroom so I could trim them. He got to looking at them and then said, "Mommy, my right pinky one is about a sixteenth of a centimeter long!!!" NO, I'm not kidding, that is exactly what he said! I had to laugh to myself and take some pictures to show you of the said offending nail...

wowzers, I don't think I've EVER seen one that long on my children. Bad mommy!


And just for reference it was more like 4mm long!


This one's just because they are so sweet.....


"Father, thank You for blessing us with these three special children. Give us the strength and wisdom to raise them in a way that would be pleasing to You. May their lives ultimately be a reflection of who You are. Forgive us for the many times we've failed them and You. All glory to You. Amen."